Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

_daniellesays_

Offline (the 08/29/2014 at 8:04pm) | Search for a member

_daniellesays_

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1003
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About _daniellesays_ : Say what you will about the importance of grammar, but I think you automatically (in general) get a few more respect points for writing like this, instade of lyk dis.

Anyway, hi.
I'm a lifeguard, guarding the crucial lives of fellow Michigan-citizens every day, nbd.

I love the lyrics from the song 23 by Jimmy Eat World, "No one else will have me like you do; No one else will have me, only you" , + the way Jim Adkins sings it.

Did you know that dolphins rape people?

_daniellesays_'s page activity

Visits<b>heffastera</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 5:14pm<b>CODplayer4lyfe</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 11:11pm<b>Kamon97</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 12:45am<b>Sierra7211</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 2:34am<b>wild_cherry</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 12:15pm<b>jo0owe</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 9:40pm<b>Wild_Marco</b> - the 03/29/2014 at 7:55pm<b>kumalo</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 11:07am<b>caqs</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 3:04pm<b>wtdafuq</b> - the 11/26/2013 at 11:38am<b>Aspireworks</b> - the 11/18/2013 at 5:02pm<b>kamar50</b> - the 11/07/2013 at 9:46am<b>dieselguy</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 7:36pm<b>aaron123111</b> - the 10/05/2013 at 5:55am<b>Carrotop12</b> - the 10/03/2013 at 11:22pm<b>SeverelyRandom</b> - the 09/14/2013 at 11:40am<b>zomini9</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 10:29pm<b>f36k</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 5:42pm

_daniellesays_'s FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of _daniellesays_'s badges

_daniellesays_'s favorite FMLs

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

#20724998
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72953) - you deserved it (7218)

On 06/14/2013 at 2:48am - love - by explanations (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

#20723435
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60247) - you deserved it (5422)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Hannah (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

#20723415
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47562) - you deserved it (3154)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to my manager and demanded that he fire me. FML

#20714023
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51029) - you deserved it (3858)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:20pm - work - by I hate my job (woman) - United States

Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML

#20711923
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47224) - you deserved it (4987)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:32pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

#20707414
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42822) - you deserved it (13808)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by SHIT-BREATH (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

#20677338
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43175) - you deserved it (3058)

On 05/21/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

#20650839
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42805) - you deserved it (12868)

On 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm - misc - by 19kwhatever (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

#20649343
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49204) - you deserved it (11050)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22978) - you deserved it (41693)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

#20632794
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59253) - you deserved it (7738)

On 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

#20512419
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30749) - you deserved it (3392)

On 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm - work - by ari (woman) - United States

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

#20198547
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25106) - you deserved it (5774)

On 12/10/2012 at 12:10am - money - by hailey - United States (Maryland)

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

#20121146
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41221) - you deserved it (2166)

On 10/17/2012 at 4:16pm - love - by AbandonedHouseWife - Canada (Alberta)



FML's blog

  • Gragrou's illustrated FML
  • One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done…

Friday 26 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: