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_alexis22's FML badges
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_alexis22's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML
by Sick / 05/02/2009 at 12:56am / United States (Florida) / Health
by dasbooot / 04/30/2009 at 12:53am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML
by Litterbox / 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me. So when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML
by fmylifebadddd / 04/18/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML
by Hikara / 04/13/2009 at 9:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, the guy that I like took me on to the Cavaliers game. At the game, on the jumbotron they do a thing where they show couples and have them kiss, the camera goes on to us and as I go into kiss him he turns and says "not in this lifetime". The entire stadium got to see me get rejected. FML
by cavgirl / 04/12/2009 at 6:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML
by hedgehog5 / 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML
by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML
by omgn00blolz89 / 04/06/2009 at 8:42pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by rebekah / 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML
by Tiak / 03/30/2009 at 2:08pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
by badmom / 03/27/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
by coughandcold / 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML
by proudestmonkey / 03/24/2009 at 1:44am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…