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_TONGAN_'s favorite FMLs
by person123abc / 12/09/2010 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer tried to pay for a $1.55 cup of coffee with a gift card, but he came up a dollar short. He let another customer through while he fumbled in his pocket for money. I later noticed a dollar had disappeared from my tip jar. FML
by barista / 12/05/2010 at 12:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML
by chi-huaHUA / 12/04/2010 at 2:08am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 1:50am / Singapore / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 12:20am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 5:01am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
by fulloshit / 11/27/2010 at 9:17pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 12:57am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by blenderbookf / 11/25/2010 at 1:33pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Heyy / 11/24/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/24/2010 at 12:29pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by lorrilanee / 11/20/2010 at 1:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML
by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 2:13am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health
Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML
by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 12:48am / United States (New York) / Transportation
by iharethissomuxh / 11/11/2010 at 12:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…
- Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey… Today, after three unsuccessful months of trying to make me orgasm, my boyfriend finally succeeded.… Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter.…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, my phone provider informed me that I had 12 messages waiting for me on my voicemail. Happy… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…