_THE_MASTER_

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_THE_MASTER_

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 4 April 1987 (29 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2559
  • Number of comments : 396
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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_THE_MASTER_'s page activity

Visits<b>FMLNotSoOffical</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 9:10pm<b>shabadabba</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 2:16pm<b>LingRay</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 9:03am<b>ItsKennyBaby</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 8:40pm<b>lizgb80</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 8:31am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 7:59am<b>dustynelly2078</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 6:49pm<b>Bradley_Dillon</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 2:56am<b>volleyforlife31</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 2:31pm<b>Moonlit054563</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 12:48pm<b>_awwhellnaw_</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 3:28am<b>Horsempeg</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 12:55am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 4:09pm<b>kittykat_bw13</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 1:44pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 9:13pm<b>FOLT</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 6:47pm<b>bshefler</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 8:45pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 2:08pm

_THE_MASTER_'s FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

_THE_MASTER_'s favorite FMLs

Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML

by nothing / 05/18/2009 at 1:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

by embarrassedmom / 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

by madzlovesgee / 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying "I'm good" or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML

by UncleRory / 05/16/2009 at 5:13am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

by keeks_25 / 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

by eeh / 05/07/2009 at 10:45am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2009 at 4:12pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

by Familyskank / 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

by pissedoffandon / 05/06/2009 at 10:07am / United Kingdom (London) / Animals

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2009 at 2:04am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML

by deez_nutz / 03/10/2009 at 8:46am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I fell in love with a girl on the internet, she's great and funny. She says she's 16, but everyone keeps telling me she's only 11 and that I'm a pedophile. FML

by Sidney / 01/07/2009 at 3:17pm / United Kingdom (London) / Love