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Mobility
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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML
I agree, your life sucks (72361) - you deserved it (3160)
On 06/14/2009 at 1:42am - kids - by andthatshowitgoes (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68938) - you deserved it (16884)
On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97184) - you deserved it (56305)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML
I agree, your life sucks (69338) - you deserved it (3437)
On 05/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because "She wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57746) - you deserved it (2707)
On 05/19/2009 at 9:21pm - kids - by bopbop (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11988) - you deserved it (40054)
On 05/18/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by nothing (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139657) - you deserved it (32554)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, it's the five year anniversary of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (73779) - you deserved it (7579)
On 05/11/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by bezoar10 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I tried taking some over-the-counter allergy medication to help with my terrible seasonal allergies so I could finally get some sleep. I had an allergic reaction to the medicine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46374) - you deserved it (2902)
On 04/28/2009 at 2:16pm - health - by Anon (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, for Easter my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (104874) - you deserved it (4322)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was fired because a patron complained that she didn't like the way I kept staring at her kids. I was a lifeguard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (74407) - you deserved it (2888)
On 04/04/2009 at 3:03pm - work - by Lifeguard (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71478) - you deserved it (9939)
On 04/04/2009 at 6:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Denmark (Roskilde)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199355) - you deserved it (58842)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML
I agree, your life sucks (87982) - you deserved it (3786)
On 03/30/2009 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML
I agree, your life sucks (151013) - you deserved it (21701)
On 03/30/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by jdsksoapy (woman) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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