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Zoroark899's FML badges
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Back from a party
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Zoroark899's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up after taking a sleep pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores including paying bills when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2009 at 7:53am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML
by Anonymous / 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by ForgottenKid / 11/06/2009 at 1:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by fmyjob / 11/02/2009 at 4:03am / United States (Michigan) / Work
by worst / 10/12/2009 at 4:23am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Miscellaneous
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year old son came up to me and asked if he can "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereals. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2009 at 1:17am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Kids
by shouldagone2work / 09/24/2009 at 5:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money
Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2009 at 10:37am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I was talking to my mom about when I have kids. I told her I may want two or three. She immediately cut me off and told me to stick to one, and that any more than that will be a burden. I am the second born child of my family. FML
by pandabear93 / 09/04/2009 at 2:30am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/02/2009 at 1:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I was driving to work when a state trooper rammed into my car from behind, because he was on the cell phone and not paying attention. He gave me a ticket for "Failure to control speed to avoid a crash." FML
by rammedbehind / 08/26/2009 at 5:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation
Today, I borrowed my dad's laptop to type an essay. While I was saving it, I noticed some curious looking files and I opened them. They were rejection letters from all the colleges I had applied to. My dad had been forging them so he wouldn't have to pay for my tuition bills. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 8:47pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
by wildthing / 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML
by andthatshowitgoes / 06/14/2009 at 1:42am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
- Today, after thinking I smelled the aroma of stale alcohol, I asked my husband, who is a recovering… Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room,… Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her…