Zoroark899

Search for a member

Zoroark899

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 31 January 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1496
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

Zoroark899's page activity

Visits<b>cheesy2777</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 2:26am<b>cookk444</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 5:07pm<b>TheSebsFilms</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 2:08pm<b>Danny255</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 3:57pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 12:37pm<b>Warmonger_Smurf</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 7:21pm<b>GotItWow</b> - the 03/29/2014 at 10:38am<b>Global_User</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 3:57pm<b>TheImaginarySong</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 8:57pm<b>CantSleepFML</b> - the 07/03/2013 at 10:17pm

Zoroark899's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of Zoroark899's badges

Zoroark899's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up after taking a sleep pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores including paying bills when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2009 at 7:53am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I saw my grandmother. All of my cousins and I went to say "hi" to her, one by one. When I got up to her and said, "Hi grandma!", she said in Chinese, "I don't remember this one." FML

by ForgottenKid / 11/06/2009 at 1:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML

by fmyjob / 11/02/2009 at 4:03am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my mom said I was the worst of her 5 children. My IQ is 130, an honor student, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs. I'm the "worst" because I don't go to church every Sunday. FML

by worst / 10/12/2009 at 4:23am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Miscellaneous

Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year old son came up to me and asked if he can "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereals. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2009 at 1:17am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Kids

Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML

by shouldagone2work / 09/24/2009 at 5:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2009 at 10:37am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I was talking to my mom about when I have kids. I told her I may want two or three. She immediately cut me off and told me to stick to one, and that any more than that will be a burden. I am the second born child of my family. FML

by pandabear93 / 09/04/2009 at 2:30am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2009 at 1:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, I was driving to work when a state trooper rammed into my car from behind, because he was on the cell phone and not paying attention. He gave me a ticket for "Failure to control speed to avoid a crash." FML

by rammedbehind / 08/26/2009 at 5:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, I borrowed my dad's laptop to type an essay. While I was saving it, I noticed some curious looking files and I opened them. They were rejection letters from all the colleges I had applied to. My dad had been forging them so he wouldn't have to pay for my tuition bills. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 8:47pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

by wildthing / 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML

by andthatshowitgoes / 06/14/2009 at 1:42am / United States (Virginia) / Kids