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Zomg_Okay's favorite FMLs
by Michael / 10/25/2011 at 11:00am / Australia / Health
by StromyG2 / 10/24/2011 at 10:54am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
by me / 10/22/2011 at 10:06pm / United States (Maine) / Kids
by titoutou222 / 10/22/2011 at 8:40am / France / Kids
Today, I got into a pretty heated argument with my boss. On my way out the door I told him he would be lucky if I came back to work. Unfortunately, I left the interior light on in my truck and it drained the battery. I had to go back in and ask for a jump. FML
by bob / 10/22/2011 at 12:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML
by Virginiedetibo / 10/21/2011 at 10:09pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by skinny dipper / 10/20/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML
by cmd102 / 10/20/2011 at 5:18pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, my parents had a fight as to which one of them is the most cultured. As a result, they've begun writing my chore lists in a variety of languages. If I don't do them, I'm grounded. I only speak English. FML
by Missy / 10/19/2011 at 6:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by planking champion / 10/17/2011 at 6:05pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2011 at 4:17am / United States (Washington) / Work
by lollymay13 / 10/11/2011 at 11:22am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/20/2011 at 6:39am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
by DeadScared / 09/18/2011 at 8:23pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
- Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he… Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having… Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me…
- Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of…