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Zomg_Okay's favorite FMLs
Today, I was hurriedly doing laundry. I threw a second load in the dryer and slammed the door shut. All of a sudden, I heard scratching and whining coming from the dryer. My cat probably hates me now. FML
by benji / 11/01/2011 at 3:02pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
by bakedplum / 11/01/2011 at 1:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by Tom / 11/01/2011 at 1:01am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 12:12am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by Korisite / 10/30/2011 at 1:31am / United States / Intimacy
by joser6969 / 10/29/2011 at 10:07am / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend confessed that he hates horror films. Our relationship was born out of our 'love' for horror films. I have endured 3 years of watching films that absolutely terrify me only to find out he doesn't like them either. FML
by duped / 10/29/2011 at 7:32am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love
Today, my elderly neighbor called the police because my cat was in her yard. I now have a citation and a court date. Apparently, there is a leash law for cats in my town, and it is taken very seriously. FML
by Fought The Law / 10/29/2011 at 12:51am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML
by ricksterile / 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 11:52am / United States / Kids
Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 8:25am / United States / Kids
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, was the last day of the prank war between me and my husband. I told him the last prank needed to be the best one. I took a shower and tried to think up my last prank. When I got out of the shower, my hair was green. FML
by mycedes / 10/26/2011 at 1:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by beccav23 / 10/25/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy