About Zoey_M : Don't be lasagne.
Zoey_M's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
Zoey_M's favorite FMLs
by idontmakethedresscode / 10/23/2015 at 4:17am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML
by Alan / 09/02/2015 at 4:13pm / Germany / Miscellaneous
Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML
by Waterfalls / 10/07/2014 at 7:33am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML
by oh shit / 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML
by outsmartedbykids / 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
by chumman / 05/06/2014 at 9:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by ClaustrophobicNightmares / 03/28/2014 at 4:42am / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Work
by FallCameEarly / 02/27/2014 at 1:21am / United States (California) / Work
by sierraleeannee / 02/09/2014 at 1:44am / United States / Kids
Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML
by beemove / 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by anon / 12/26/2013 at 7:08am / Australia / Love
Today, I received a pair of earrings, a necklace, and some rings as a Christmas gift from my grandma. This would have been nice if I weren't a guy. This is her way of mocking me for wearing what she calls "girl colors", such as white. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wicked mother has been with us for a week. She's already thrown away my daughter's favorite toy, broke my computer, scratched my oak table, stained my most expensive shirt, peed in our bed, and called the attention of the cops by staring at kids in school. She's staying for three months. FML
by longlongwinter / 12/05/2013 at 11:50am / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Miscellaneous
Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML
by Amanda / 11/26/2013 at 3:00pm / United States / Love
- Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on… Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited… Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a…