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Zeus99's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend made a patronising post on Facebook, "to all you guys out there" saying how having sex with a drunk person is straight-up, 100% rape. I pointed out that she's had sex with me several times after I've come home drunk. That pissed her off. Now I'm single. FML
by 404: Sanity Not Found / 01/27/2016 at 10:35am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends and I were goofing off playing tag behind the local church, when I heard a banshee-like wail behind me. Assuming it was one of my friends, I wailed right back and ran. Turned out there was actually a funeral going on, and the wail was from one of the bereaved. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 8:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Dexter_39476 / 01/24/2016 at 12:40am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous
by swag papi / 01/22/2016 at 12:47am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML
by Garfield / 01/20/2016 at 11:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 1:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 5:31pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML
by donguigeek / 12/23/2015 at 11:32pm / France / Kids
Today, my husband finally revealed that he's been secretly buying a particular brand of spicy chicken, eating it on his way home from work. He does it because it makes his farts smell just the way he likes it under the duvet when we go to bed. FML
by tara / 12/18/2015 at 12:49pm / Switzerland (Zug) / Miscellaneous
by NotSoComfortable / 12/17/2015 at 4:10am / Italy (Veneto) / Intimacy
Today, my husband came home from a six-month business trip. When I saw him, I hugged and kissed him. My grandma started calling me a slutty whore, and told us we were a disgrace to our family, while trying to hit him with her cane. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/07/2015 at 7:40pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by snortingspunk / 12/03/2015 at 7:52am / South Africa / Intimacy