Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Zeus99

Offline (the 03/26/2015 at 4:37am) | Search for a member

Zeus99

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2451
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Zeus99's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:23pm

Zeus99's FML badges

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of Zeus99's badges

Zeus99's favorite FMLs

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

#21369892
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27109) - you deserved it (2713)

On 03/07/2015 at 11:59am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

#21367801
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41033) - you deserved it (3436)

On 03/04/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Highnapple - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

#21365913
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30637) - you deserved it (6413)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by love and tolerape, apparently (man) - India (Jharkhand)

Today, my sister came out of the closet. By which I mean she came out as the pregnant mother of my boyfriend's child. FML

#21365896
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36524) - you deserved it (2396)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML

#21365151
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37738) - you deserved it (4505)

On 02/28/2015 at 9:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Nordjylland)

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

#21364983
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33822) - you deserved it (4935)

On 02/28/2015 at 12:03am - intimacy - by FreshDonuts (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

#21364935
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25911) - you deserved it (2355)

On 02/27/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by bobjope -

Today, I found out my son likes to pee in the shower. He stated, "It's okay because dad pees in the sink!" I'm living with a bunch of bears. FML

#21363816
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3) - you deserved it (4789)

On 02/26/2015 at 6:24am - kids - by showerlover (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

#21363602
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31032) - you deserved it (3757)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Today, my mom sent me a pic of a blank paper, saying it was a drawing of all the people who wanted to date me. FML

#21362620
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32561) - you deserved it (2704)

On 02/24/2015 at 2:32pm - misc - by toastynippies - United States

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

#21362603
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27362) - you deserved it (7631)

On 02/24/2015 at 2:02pm - love - by hamboneghost (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

#21362244
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26737) - you deserved it (4726)

On 02/23/2015 at 11:58pm - misc - by MDoremis - United States (Hawaii)

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

#21362166
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35848) - you deserved it (2798)

On 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by sammy18f (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

#21360286
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22031) - you deserved it (28070)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. Not an hour later, I walked in on my sister giving him a handjob in her room. And what's worse, my first reaction was just to wonder why he'd bother cheating on me for just a handjob. FML

#21358057
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38926) - you deserved it (3085)

On 02/17/2015 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: