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Zeus99

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Zeus99

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1519
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Zeus99's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:23pm

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Zeus99's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

#21218442
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37268) - you deserved it (10292)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

#21217633
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17974) - you deserved it (42658)

On 07/22/2014 at 7:20pm - health - by dypshyyt - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

#21213104
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43529) - you deserved it (6024)

On 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm - love - by Lisa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

#21211411
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49120) - you deserved it (4150)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm - misc - by Is that..? - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

#21206411
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43339) - you deserved it (4185)

On 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39475) - you deserved it (6076)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48897) - you deserved it (6526)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at my football game, I turned around to spit so that it would be away from my teammates. I ended up spitting on a 10-year-old kid walking behind me. FML

#21203602
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37150) - you deserved it (17475)

On 07/09/2014 at 1:38am - kids - by whoops - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

#21199713
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45709) - you deserved it (14121)

On 07/05/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Rowansgonnarow -

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

#21187944
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46443) - you deserved it (12111)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by fredfredburger (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

#21185495
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49157) - you deserved it (5477)

On 06/23/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

#21184110
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44940) - you deserved it (3476)

On 06/22/2014 at 11:10am - misc - by paywithpoop - United States

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

#21183341
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42404) - you deserved it (4382)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

#21181955
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52617) - you deserved it (5150)

On 06/20/2014 at 2:20pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

#21180516
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48732) - you deserved it (13625)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:37am - love - by stopinthenameoflove - Ireland (Dublin)



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