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ZeroKnights

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ZeroKnights
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 783
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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ZeroKnights's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to watch the Movie "UP." At one point in the movie I got really sad and started to cry a bit. The 7 year old girl next to me noticed and told me to shut and man up. FML

#2626905
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39593) - you deserved it (18699)

On 06/05/2009 at 9:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

#2009898
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50491) - you deserved it (17277)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

#1962553
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38963) - you deserved it (2448)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by BigBadTron (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

#1956453
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42624) - you deserved it (7274)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:14am - love - by heartless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in the middle of walking home when I saw an old woman trying to get away from what looked like a mugger. I go over and try to help her out and get the man off of her, which was successful. Turns out she was having a heart attack and the man was a doctor. FML

#1716877
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38018) - you deserved it (14867)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:52pm - misc - by JuniorDetective (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got my hair dyed at a fancy salon. While the stylist was pulling out the foils in my hair I sat up and started screaming in pain because the hot foils were burning my scalp. All she said was "oh, you're fine". I went back home to find an oozing burn wound on my scalp. FML

#1685097
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57147) - you deserved it (3576)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:57am - misc - by random (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML

#1656841
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147286) - you deserved it (8458)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22am - money - by Fitz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my boss about her children. She told me she didn’t want them to develop any problems by letting them sleep with the light on. I didn’t tell her last night I slept with the light on because I’m scared of ghosts. FML

#1622822
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14469) - you deserved it (31596)

On 05/04/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by pussy (woman) - Italy

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (248166) - you deserved it (14291)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML

#1479634
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42054) - you deserved it (8842)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:51am - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

#800425
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (267857) - you deserved it (17493)

On 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm - intimacy - by GuitarChick42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the phone to make a call and had heard it all. FML

#690128
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29319) - you deserved it (59242)

On 03/29/2009 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Bucko321 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML

#539856
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63740) - you deserved it (30723)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:02pm - kids - by Noca (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

#253814
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17606) - you deserved it (40693)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

#203455
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (122906) - you deserved it (6382)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:15am - love - by you would (man) - United States (California)



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