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Zerizle's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Zerizle's favorite FMLs
by hating my life / 11/26/2015 at 2:57am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML
by Embarrassed ass. / 10/23/2015 at 12:05am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML
by bubblewrap / 10/20/2015 at 6:13am / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/29/2015 at 6:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML
by horp / 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by Out of Ice Cream / 09/29/2015 at 1:06pm / United States / Love
Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I was feeling light headed. His response every time was, "5 more minutes". Eventually, I got so dehydrated that I passed out. The first thing my coach said when I woke up was, "Why didn't you get some water?" FML
by Dehydrated / 09/01/2015 at 7:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by Mush / 08/27/2015 at 12:42pm / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 08/15/2015 at 11:16pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals
by maybe if i was paid like them i would / 08/14/2015 at 6:42pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Brooke / 08/14/2015 at 12:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by babbling idiot / 08/14/2015 at 5:35am / Canada / Work
Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML
by stressedmom36 / 08/13/2015 at 7:50pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML