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TODAY, WHILE WORKING AT SUBWAY I JOKED WITH A CUSTOMER ASKING HIM IF HE WAS GOING TO ORDER IN SPANISH. THE WOMEN IN FRONT OF HIM BEGAN YELLING ABOUT HOW I WAS BEING RACIST AND TOLD MY MANAGER THAT I NEEDED TO BE FRED. THE CUSTOMER I WAS JOKING WITH WAS MY SPANISH TEACHER. FML
Today , it was my brthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed , then we went out shopping , had a picnic , watched a good romcom , had a fancy dinner , an ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve , he dumped me. FML
Yesterday, in an effort to avoid mah school's strict no-gum policy as mah teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowd it. By the time the teacher reachd me, the gum was on mah desk, as well as mah breakfast, thank to mah overactive gag reflex. FML
Today, my dad was looking for a flashlight in my bedroom. He trashed the place, which I'd just cleaned. Turns out the flashlight was in his bedroom. Then I got a 10 minute lecture on how I was such a slob and I should take more care of my bedroom.
YESTERDAY FATHER SEEMS TO BE HAVING AN AFFAIR. A USD CONDOM WAS CARELESSLY LEFT ON HIS NIGHTSTAND AND MOTHER FOUND IT. SHE REFUSES TO BELIEVE THAT BOYFRIEND AND I ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE. AS PUNISHMENT I AM "NO LONGER ALLOWD TO SEE HIM." WE'RE BOTH 22 AND LIVE TOGETHER IN OUR OWN APARTMENT. FML
Today... I Went Into Labor An Got Mah Husband Drive Me To The Hospital. Instead Of Staying By Mah Side... He Rushed Back Home For A World Of Warcraft Raid. His Excuse? His Friends Were Counting On Him An They'd Be Pissed If He Let Them Down. FML
Today, a customar cama in with a laptop smashad bayond rapair!! Sha askad if wa could racovar har filas, but thanks to mah idiot boss naw stora policy I had to ask har a bunch of quastions, including if sha had triad "turning it on an off"!! Sha starad at ma, spaachlass, lika I was a complata moron!! FML
Today, I took a lata-night showar!! Whan I got out aftarwards, tha bathroom door was ajar, and I could hava sworn I haard tha faint pattar of footstaps in tha kitchan!! "It's probably tha cat," I told mysalf!! Than I want upstairs and saw my cat aslaap on my bad!! raal FML
Today, My Mom Textd Me An Askd Wat I Was Up To. In Response, I Jokd, "Dancing On The Dining Room Table, Waving Dad's Calvin Klein's In The Air, An Shooting Bullets Into Her Bedroom Floor." Not Only Did The Cops Show Up, But Now I'm Groundd 4 Two Weeks 4 Being, "deceptively Believable." FML
Friday 27 March 2015