About Zelphoric : Wow. You're on my profile! You probably either like Deadpool or you just clicked my picture on accident. Either way, enjoy your stay, which will probably be around 10 to 15 seconds. :P
Zelphoric's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Zelphoric's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2016 at 12:35pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I realized that even though I'm marrying my fiancée in 2 weeks, I don't even love her any more. The only reason I'm doing it is because I don't want to upset her or her family, because they think I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. FML
by j / 04/18/2016 at 6:24pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I got a ticket for driving without insurance. I gave the cop my insurance information, but he said it was invalid because it didn't show an expiration date. When I pointed out the information he was looking for, he ignored me and gave me a ticket anyway. FML
by can you read? / 04/08/2016 at 3:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Belle / 04/08/2016 at 2:11pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/31/2016 at 9:43am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I got my phone back after bringing it in to get a crack in the screen repaired. The crack is fixed, but now the touch screen doesn't work and it won't connect to the Internet. I essentially paid to have my phone broken even more. FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2016 at 10:36am / United States (New York) / Money
by Anonymous / 03/27/2016 at 8:27am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/24/2016 at 11:23am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I walked in on one of my co-workers jerking off in the bathroom, complete with heavy breathing and victory groans. I don't want to go to HR, but I can't even look at him anymore. We have to work on a project together next week. FML
by Sandman2015 / 01/29/2016 at 1:36pm / United States (Utah) / Work
Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML
by parasheeeet / 01/13/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals
by notanightowlanymore / 01/05/2016 at 12:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by kinzielee / 01/05/2016 at 12:41pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, after trying unsuccessfully for three or so years to have a baby with my wife, my broodiness has gotten so bad that when I saw a couple with their daughter at the bus stop, I briefly had a daydream where I shot them in the head and took their daughter home to raise as my own. FML
by DesperateToBeDad / 12/31/2015 at 6:57am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Kids
by 123literateABC / 11/03/2015 at 10:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Work