Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Zaros

Search for a member

Zaros
  • Town/Country : Galena, IL
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1355
  • Number of comments : 150
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About Zaros : I was brutally attacked by my razor. Currently in the process of regrowing my mutton chops.

If you want my snapchat or Facebook feel free to ask so I can tell you no personally.

Zaros's last visitors

alljackedup7HeyTherexxxmichaelf461meowimmakatFezzesAreCoolactuallyahippoironfeyhockeyprincess91AutumnMasqueradedawsonstarredraven88

Zaros's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of Zaros's badges

Zaros's favorite FMLs

Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent the whole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML

#21011680
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33555) - you deserved it (8909)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43547) - you deserved it (4601)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors. At 3am. FML

#20928702
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38942) - you deserved it (2640)

On 10/21/2013 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offered to show us. He scrolled one picture too far and ended up showing us a picture of his penis. FML

#20927261
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54097) - you deserved it (3406)

On 10/20/2013 at 9:02am - intimacy - by Female_Lucifer (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

#20926236
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44455) - you deserved it (4902)

On 10/19/2013 at 11:04am - misc - by sleepysophie (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

#20874309
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49664) - you deserved it (19874)

On 09/09/2013 at 11:15am - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

#20872880
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46571) - you deserved it (2737)

On 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
507 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17113) - you deserved it (123349)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

#20858245
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51505) - you deserved it (3710)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:35pm - love - by Thanks everyone (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

#20848750
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47150) - you deserved it (6480)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by none - United States (Texas)

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

#20816798
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47120) - you deserved it (9790)

On 08/02/2013 at 9:58am - misc - by YouSoSmelly (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48960) - you deserved it (8617)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

#20766909
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43317) - you deserved it (16945)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by BlueB (man) - United States

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

#20555435
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34472) - you deserved it (16822)

On 03/22/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: