About Zarcissa : Don't worry, I won't bite... hard. Maybe.
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Zarcissa's favorite FMLs
Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML
by [...] / 12/12/2013 at 9:28am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by pootie / 12/11/2013 at 8:14am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by resurrected / 09/04/2013 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Work
Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML
by Rapunzel1974 / 09/01/2013 at 12:29am / United States (Mississippi) / Animals
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina / 06/01/2013 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Health
by SayCheese / 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by in_hardik / 06/10/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 05/07/2012 at 10:52pm / United States / Money
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
by gengiskarn69 / 03/12/2012 at 10:55am / United States / Miscellaneous
by WayTooMuchFacebook / 02/04/2012 at 12:07am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener. FML
by coleslaw / 02/03/2012 at 12:25am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm / India / Intimacy
by Surprisebuttsecks? / 12/06/2011 at 11:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I took my girlfriend out for dinner to a fancy Italian restaurant for our one year anniversary. After giving her some roses, freshly baked cookies, and a thoughtful poem I wrote for her, she started laughing and asked for her real gift. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 3:00pm / Canada / Love
- Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge… Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When… Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She…