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Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20811) - you deserved it (998)
On 04/04/2012 at 6:13am - health - by screaming monkey - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22460) - you deserved it (1275)
On 02/22/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9915) - you deserved it (1531)
On 12/27/2011 at 2:53pm - misc - by ericane27 - United States
Today, I was wanking and starting thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8425) - you deserved it (1612)
On 12/21/2011 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31279) - you deserved it (2775)
On 12/19/2011 at 1:43am - intimacy - by lovely (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8411) - you deserved it (2325)
On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15127) - you deserved it (6746)
On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17555) - you deserved it (2548)
On 10/12/2011 at 1:14am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23499) - you deserved it (1623)
On 09/09/2011 at 9:57pm - kids - by why?! (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my roommate got completely wasted. He was so drunk he thought the fridge was talking. He decided to make it stop by unplugging it. Most of our food is basically ruined now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19370) - you deserved it (1535)
On 09/06/2011 at 1:56am - misc - by Mattador - United States (Georgia)
Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9546) - you deserved it (14982)
On 09/05/2011 at 10:52pm - health - by wheezy (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18787) - you deserved it (2405)
On 09/05/2011 at 7:14pm - love - by rplovez (woman) - Canada
Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter or my son. Turns out they all are. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21870) - you deserved it (1851)
On 09/05/2011 at 5:37pm - health - by oxymorons - United States (Arizona)
Today, my husband compared me to his parent's dog. Why? Because when I sleep I fart and scare myself awake... Just like his parents dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18567) - you deserved it (6716)
On 09/05/2011 at 3:19pm - animals - by anonomys (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40392) - you deserved it (2458)
On 08/20/2011 at 12:41am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
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