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Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6338) - you deserved it (14623)
On 02/23/2010 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by lendahandmanda (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24422) - you deserved it (3664)
On 01/24/2010 at 2:32pm - love - by firstdate (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26736) - you deserved it (4406)
On 01/23/2010 at 11:14am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22964) - you deserved it (4696)
On 01/17/2010 at 1:31am - love - by volleyballgirl12 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4259) - you deserved it (51186)
On 12/24/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by paidback - United States
Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year old son starts rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly. "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looks at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24491) - you deserved it (2027)
On 12/05/2009 at 7:04pm - animals - by Sissy (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I found out that the plant in my kitchen that I have been watering for almost 2 years is fake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7257) - you deserved it (36865)
On 11/25/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by IlikeGreenPlants (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16748) - you deserved it (3421)
On 11/13/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by thelistman (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52356) - you deserved it (5135)
On 10/27/2009 at 9:27am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming "I meant it!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25654) - you deserved it (6139)
On 10/19/2009 at 7:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8752) - you deserved it (32372)
On 10/09/2009 at 11:05am - love - by TasedAndDazed (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9159) - you deserved it (36681)
On 09/15/2009 at 8:16am - misc - by publicenemy (man) - United States (California)
Today, my daughter asked me what the youngest age you should start having sex is, being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62655) - you deserved it (9115)
On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60273) - you deserved it (5297)
On 06/29/2009 at 12:38pm - kids - by dad (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: "Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I'm talking to her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38456) - you deserved it (10332)
On 06/25/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by embarrassed4life (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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