About YdoIhaveAchode : I'm a nice guy who enjoys PS3, marijuana & skateboarding.
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YdoIhaveAchode's favorite FMLs
Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML
by shutupandsmile18 / 04/17/2009 at 10:32pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/17/2009 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had brought her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the adderall they found in my desk. FML
by hatetheroommate / 04/16/2009 at 2:43pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
by trainE / 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 3:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
by mrWrong / 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML
by proudestmonkey / 03/24/2009 at 1:44am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by jilted / 03/21/2009 at 3:15am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have our first "Cybering" experience. I downloaded Skype per his instructions, and hooked up my cam. Just as everything started getting hot and heavy, I farted. He stopped and frowned. I had no idea it was a video AND voice program. FML
by awkwardgayboi / 03/11/2009 at 2:35pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML
by danesy / 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
by mr.palendrome / 03/05/2009 at 9:27pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in the change room at the local YMCA. I went to use the hair dryer but couldn't because a naked old man was bent over, butt cheeks spread wide with his hands, and ass aimed at the dryer. He seemed to be enjoying it. FML
by nuberific / 03/05/2009 at 1:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML
by NeverGonnaGetAny / 02/23/2009 at 2:28pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend tried to surprise me my climbing through my window into my room. To return the… Today, a customer flipped out because we are fundraising for the American Lung Association, and she… Today, I discovered that someone keyed my car, leaving a big scratch all the way down the passenger…