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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Today, I was waitressing when a man sat at my table with soda from somewhere else. Drinks are half the profit for restaurants. There is a strict policy that you have to charge for carry-in drinks. I told him this, he yelled at me so I told him I was doing my job. I got fired, for doing my job. FML
Today, I was walking towards the bus. The bus was scheduled to leave at 3:20, and it was 3:19 so I decided to run for it. As the doors were closing, I managed to just slip my hand into the door, so it didn't fully close. The bus driver saw this, looked at my face, and then drove away. FML
Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML
Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML
Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML
Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML
Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML
Today, after finishing a huge French essay, I realized my printer wasn't working. So, I emailed it to a guy in my class to print and then give to me. When I get to French, he said he had already turned his in early and never got my email. It turned out he used mine. I got an F on the essay. FML
Today, I was at QuickTrip. As I was leaving, I passed a woman who was saying "stay" very sternly through her open driver's side door. I smiled as I passed, saying "Your dog wants to follow you huh? I've been there." She glared at me and said "No. That's my son. He's mentally challenged." FML
Today, I received two withdrawl grades in school for droping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did this, and he said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he said he needed to be with someone smart so that he could impress his parents. I just got accepted into medical school. When I pointed that out to him, he added that he needed to be with someone attractive. FML
Today, I suggested that my mother download Skype so we could video chat while I'm studying in London over the summer. After I had explained how it worked and that it was free, she said "Well...you'll only be gone for a few months. It's not really worth it." FML
Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML
Friday 19 December 2014