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Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23732) - you deserved it (2546)
On 01/25/2010 at 5:18am - kids - by shitface (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19050) - you deserved it (6260)
On 01/12/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by cold-n-stinky (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20967) - you deserved it (5153)
On 01/04/2010 at 1:43am - health - by sadface (woman) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20967) - you deserved it (5153)
On 01/04/2010 at 1:43am - health - by sadface (woman) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, while on the treadmill, my iPod fell and shot out underneath my feet. I got off to get it, and when I tried to get back on, I slipped and fell on my face on the moving track. The whole gym watched me get beat up by a treadmill and clapped when I finally got back on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19283) - you deserved it (4176)
On 01/03/2010 at 11:28am - health - by i-should-probably-stick-to-swimming (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18710) - you deserved it (2411)
On 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by Lovergirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20976) - you deserved it (9436)
On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
I agree, your life sucks (25672) - you deserved it (1834)
On 12/19/2009 at 4:44am - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10281) - you deserved it (25885)
On 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, it was the last day of finals. After sleeping less than three hours in the last two days, I got in the car to go to school. For a second, I thought my steering wheel, the gas pedal, and brake pedal were all missing. That's when I realized I was sitting in the back seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23135) - you deserved it (9534)
On 12/10/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5486) - you deserved it (24801)
On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23344) - you deserved it (3396)
On 11/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by chacha - United States
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I couldn't trust her after cheating on me with 3 guys. Our friends are sad about it so they're throwing her a pity party. Now I'm single and I have no friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29319) - you deserved it (2658)
On 11/25/2009 at 2:57am - love - by whatthewhat? - United States
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31914) - you deserved it (2161)
On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, my girlfriend broke up me with for being the "perfect boyfriend". Apparently I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, and she didn't know how to take it. So she dumped me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34368) - you deserved it (2501)
On 11/22/2009 at 10:59pm - love - by Micheal (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Monday 17 June 2013
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