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Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11408) - you deserved it (29585)
On 04/08/2011 at 1:31am - love - by Payte -
Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13577) - you deserved it (58416)
On 04/08/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by failure -
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (21442) - you deserved it (24174)
On 04/01/2011 at 12:32am - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (21442) - you deserved it (24174)
On 04/01/2011 at 12:32am - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35604) - you deserved it (22845)
On 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by rowie1311 (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14048) - you deserved it (64587)
On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I finished and turned in the last of the seventeen major projects for the company I work for. As I was walking out of my bosses office, I hear her ask her assistant "She finished everything we didn't want to do, can we fire her now?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29303) - you deserved it (2025)
On 03/17/2011 at 7:37pm - work - by inpuredeceit (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I finished and turned in the last of the seventeen major projects for the company I work for. As I was walking out of my bosses office, I hear her ask her assistant "She finished everything we didn't want to do, can we fire her now?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29303) - you deserved it (2025)
On 03/17/2011 at 7:37pm - work - by inpuredeceit (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36744) - you deserved it (6960)
On 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by Mr. Sensitive Nips - United States (Texas)
Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21838) - you deserved it (3249)
On 03/11/2011 at 12:20am - misc - by Laura (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39357) - you deserved it (14202)
On 02/20/2011 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Infected (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? I dare you." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10341) - you deserved it (36051)
On 02/13/2011 at 10:25pm - misc - by NotAsToughAsHeThinks (man) - United States (Montana)
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8575) - you deserved it (26242)
On 02/10/2011 at 11:09am - misc - by Jaws (man) - France (Alsace)
Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23173) - you deserved it (4336)
On 02/04/2011 at 3:11am - animals - by unknown -
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29804) - you deserved it (10177)
On 01/22/2011 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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