About XxxAnitaxxX : I'm hungry. Bi. Interested in someone. Still hungry. Feed me pie. I like pie. Yummy. Okay. Bye.
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
XxxAnitaxxX's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML
by Anonymous / 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML
by bucollegegirl / 10/08/2012 at 10:07am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML
by Queso Dog / 10/02/2012 at 10:42am / Japan / Love
Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML
by SorryUncleTommy / 10/01/2012 at 12:23am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
by whatswrongwithit?:( / 09/30/2012 at 3:37pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 1:57pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids
by holyshitbatman / 09/22/2012 at 10:06am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/09/2012 at 5:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by XYZee / 08/22/2012 at 4:27pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/22/2012 at 2:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, and since forever, my boyfriend talks in his sleep. Last night, he told me, “I like you very… Today, I was getting frisky with my girlfriend. It was going well until we had to put our clothes…