About XxxAnitaxxX : I am a turtle. Turtle turtle.
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Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20729) - you deserved it (2400)
On 09/30/2012 at 3:37pm - intimacy - by whatswrongwithit?:( (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7040) - you deserved it (16899)
On 09/30/2012 at 1:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)
Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17089) - you deserved it (16417)
On 09/22/2012 at 10:06am - intimacy - by holyshitbatman - United States (Illinois)
Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14119) - you deserved it (1261)
On 09/09/2012 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6658) - you deserved it (15795)
On 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17341) - you deserved it (1095)
On 08/22/2012 at 4:27pm - misc - by XYZee - United States (Georgia)
Today, I packed my bags and left for the airport. When I passed through security, the X-ray scanner discovered that my cat had also come along for the ride. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18045) - you deserved it (2085) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, the man who tried to mug me sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22995) - you deserved it (1099)
On 08/22/2012 at 2:01am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24878) - you deserved it (5474)
On 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm - misc - by cardsftw - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6840) - you deserved it (106763)
On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17768) - you deserved it (4582)
On 08/16/2012 at 11:16am - love - by Amberain (woman) - United Kingdom (Halton)
Today, I learned that if you go through your best friend's phone, you can find sexy texts and nude pictures between him and your girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25352) - you deserved it (3025)
On 07/29/2012 at 1:27am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20333) - you deserved it (9447)
On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15700) - you deserved it (3482)
On 07/24/2012 at 4:08pm - health - by *facefloor* (man) - United States
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend, who is a fully-grown man, that making dinosaur noises in public is no longer acceptable. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13523) - you deserved it (5153)
On 07/13/2012 at 10:36am - misc - by shorty4 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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