About XxxAnitaxxX : I am a turtle. Turtle turtle.
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Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34836) - you deserved it (3779)
Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32999) - you deserved it (2860)
On 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)
Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37706) - you deserved it (21349)
On 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37803) - you deserved it (6453)
On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30128) - you deserved it (2692)
On 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by wtf - United States
Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30664) - you deserved it (4018)
On 12/15/2012 at 3:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24783) - you deserved it (4378)
On 12/14/2012 at 6:52pm - love - by mandybar15 (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17568) - you deserved it (976)
On 12/10/2012 at 2:01am - misc - by Alec (man) - United States
Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16809) - you deserved it (5820)
On 12/09/2012 at 5:46pm - intimacy - by Bug5992 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7413) - you deserved it (50742)
On 12/09/2012 at 11:57am - intimacy - by SamWGovan (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24531) - you deserved it (2410)
On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)
Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25218) - you deserved it (2571)
On 12/06/2012 at 2:18am - animals - by psd60 - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML
I agree, your life sucks (30651) - you deserved it (4318)
On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States
Today, in a state of extreme boredom, I decided to dress my 6-month-old son in girl's clothes. As he sat in my lap in a frilly dress, and as I was placing a very pink and lacy bow on his head, my mother-in-law unexpectedly walked in. She now thinks I'm mentally unstable and should be in therapy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8545) - you deserved it (25209)
On 11/26/2012 at 11:52am - kids - by ekm86 (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38211) - you deserved it (11462)
On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)
Monday 17 June 2013
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