About XxxAnitaxxX : I'm hungry. Bi. Interested in someone. Still hungry. Feed me pie. I like pie. Yummy. Okay. Bye.
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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
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XxxAnitaxxX's favorite FMLs
by stephscort / 05/11/2013 at 9:32am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML
by fuckingjesusgran / 05/07/2013 at 6:13pm / Bosnia and Herzegovina (Federation of Bosnia and Herzego) / Transportation
Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML
by bet a woman would've been thanked / 05/07/2013 at 4:21pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/07/2013 at 4:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals
Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML
by AussieG75 / 05/07/2013 at 10:18am / United States (Washington) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 4:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by Who1s269 / 05/03/2013 at 8:13am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML
by random / 04/29/2013 at 5:11pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 12:09pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
by Beth / 04/28/2013 at 9:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 2:33am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML
Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 7:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…