About XxxAnitaxxX : I'm hungry. Bi. Interested in someone. Still hungry. Feed me pie. I like pie. Yummy. Okay. Bye.
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
XxxAnitaxxX's favorite FMLs
Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML
by _Tatyana_ / 06/13/2013 at 3:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML
by firestar772 / 06/12/2013 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Kids
by notyourmom / 06/11/2013 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML
by sydneyp3435 / 06/11/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/08/2013 at 4:53pm / United Kingdom (Bromley) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/08/2013 at 6:34am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room since my parents left on a trip. They left my grandparents here to watch us. It was past bed time and we started hearing some strange noises through my floor. We thought it was the radio. Turns out my grandma is a screamer. FML
by kalleylynn / 06/08/2013 at 2:38am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by The Clitshank Redemption / 06/05/2013 at 7:11pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
by Anonymous / 06/05/2013 at 6:09pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 11:21am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 3:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 1:28am / United States (Alaska) / Love
- Today, half of my class tried to convince me that computers are sentient. I pointed out Alan Turing… Today, one of my classmates in my culinary class slapped me with a raw chicken breast. Why? Because… Today, I was having a panic attack and my service dog cares more about the Mouse running across the…
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to…