About XxxAnitaxxX : I'm hungry. Bi. Interested in someone. Still hungry. Feed me pie. I like pie. Yummy. Okay. Bye.
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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
XxxAnitaxxX's favorite FMLs
by cardsftw / 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/29/2012 at 1:27am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/25/2012 at 6:54am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
by *facefloor* / 07/24/2012 at 4:08pm / United States / Health
by shorty4 / 07/13/2012 at 10:36am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by hotpatata / 07/06/2012 at 11:03am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Heather / 06/26/2012 at 1:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML
by aranya / 06/14/2012 at 6:51pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Intimacy
Today, I went to see my dermatologist friend for a free consultation on my terrible acne. During my visit, she said I probably won't be getting any more pimples. Excited, I asked her how she could tell. She replied, "There's no more room for it." FML
by ultraattitude / 06/14/2012 at 3:34pm / United States / Health
Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML
by LaurenB / 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health
by BooBabe / 06/04/2012 at 7:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
by Anonymous / 06/03/2012 at 1:43pm / Spain (Castilla y Leon) / Miscellaneous
by maggierose171 / 05/19/2012 at 11:08am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop… Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm… Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long…
- Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…