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XxwhosawesoMExX's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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XxwhosawesoMExX's favorite FMLs
by facepalm / 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by carebear1228 / 07/01/2014 at 1:31pm / United States (California) / Love
by Madridsta / 06/28/2014 at 2:28am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML
by keelah / 06/27/2014 at 5:57pm / United States (Alabama) / Kids
Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by possibly fucked / 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/20/2014 at 7:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML
by legitfile.bat.virus.exe / 06/20/2014 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by sunil / 06/13/2014 at 6:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML
by ldrik1 / 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by MiserableMan / 06/10/2014 at 12:02am / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Love
by deservedly / 06/09/2014 at 12:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2014 at 2:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…