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XxReddragonxX

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XxReddragonxX

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XxReddragonxX's favorite FMLs

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51071) - you deserved it (10031)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML

#21053684
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44071) - you deserved it (3831)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

#21053213
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52660) - you deserved it (18592)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, while in the prison I work at, I came down with severe digestion issues. Master control probably laughed as they watched me wait at the security gates in a cold sweat, squeezing my ass-cheeks together like an inmate smuggling contraband. FML

#21047394
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39579) - you deserved it (4043)

On 02/01/2014 at 5:42pm - work - by TwistedCherub1 (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49957) - you deserved it (6255)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46279) - you deserved it (16771)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43172) - you deserved it (4728)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my first ever job interview. I thought I was doing well, until the recruiter asked why he should hire me. The only thing I could say was "Because I'm really, really nervous right now?" FML

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

#21037332
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37429) - you deserved it (4700)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44240) - you deserved it (9956)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to accept the fact that I'm going bald, after I noticed the hair on my chest is longer than the hair on my head. FML

#21037094
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36858) - you deserved it (3502)

On 01/23/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by Hairy_Potter (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML

#21025526
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46935) - you deserved it (3437)

On 01/12/2014 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML

#21025291
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49369) - you deserved it (4453)

On 01/12/2014 at 3:03am - kids - by -_- - United States



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