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today I was working as a waitres at a wedding. I was trying to clear the table as quickly as possible and decided to place a half bowl of soup on top of the pile of plate I was carrying. As I was hurrying back to the kitchen I tripped and spilt the soup all over the bride's ivory dress. mega FML
Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had droppd a bag, so I walkd to help. I walkd back to the clerk, who refusd to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML
TODAY, I PUTTED MAH 3 YEAR OLD DOWN FIR HER REGULAR NAP. ABOUT AN HOUR LATER I WAKE UP FROM A DREAMHERE I WAS SMELLING SOMETHING AWFUL. WHEN I WOKE UP, THE SMELL WAS STILL THERE, SO I TRACKED IT DOWN. MY DAUGHTER HAD DECIDED TO "FINGERPAINT" WITH THE CONTENT OF A DRTY DIAPER. FML
Today... there was a parent bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad enterd... and endd up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends... teachers... other parents... and the hot soccer team saw. FML
Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out mah Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting acros from me point an tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when u become his bitch!" FML
Today.. . I turned 30 years old . My dad.. . the only living relative I have.. . gave me a call . Not to wish me a happy birthday.. . but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night . real FML
Today.. . mah friend paypal'd me some money to tide me over until mah school loans come through . For a transaction description.. . he wrote "to get back in that pussy game." It got rd flaggd.. . and I had to talk with three female customer service agents before it went through . FML
Today... while working at a certain California theme park in full costume... I was approached by a kid in line... who looked at me and exclaimed... "Hey look... its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister... who was maybe seven years old... glanced over at me and said... "No... he's way too fat." FML
Today, at work as a cashier, I had a male customer come up to me an ask me what hours I worked today, like he has done 4 several weeks now!! Immediately after, mah manager calls mah lane to tell me to watch out 4 that guy!! He has been stalking a co-worker of mine!! Apparently, I'm next!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015