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XxReddragonxX

Offline (the 12/13/2014 at 8:30pm) | Search for a member

XxReddragonxX

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XxReddragonxX's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking in the park when I saw an attractive girl walking nearby. I approached her to strike up a conversation when suddenly a large fly invaded my left nostril, and became lodged inside. After picking out the bloody fly pieces, I looked up to see the girl walking away, gagging. FML

#1759854
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50898) - you deserved it (5386)

On 05/08/2009 at 9:07pm - animals - by jamblasticus (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while working at my tanning salon, a woman came in and I put her in a booth, which are all stand up. After she comes out, I go in to clean it and realize that floor is all wet. I questioned her about it and she replies, "Oh, I peed, that's not a drain?". FML

#1756175
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60813) - you deserved it (2442)

On 05/08/2009 at 7:17pm - work - by lover21 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

#1751359
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69967) - you deserved it (41945)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by stpdaziandude (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

#1727113
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87593) - you deserved it (4630)

On 05/07/2009 at 6:39pm - love - by Joey (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

#1727113
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87593) - you deserved it (4630)

On 05/07/2009 at 6:39pm - love - by Joey (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

#1693218
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71341) - you deserved it (4637)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was running late for work. To save time, I grabbed my belt on my way out the door and was putting it on in the elevator, which stopped at the next floor before I had put my belt all the way on. A hot girl stepped into the elevator, looked at my undone belt, screamed "Ew" and got off. FML

#1679798
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38574) - you deserved it (9605)

On 05/05/2009 at 10:40pm - misc - by soldier (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

#1674851
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46451) - you deserved it (16376)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

#1631197
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25811) - you deserved it (69959)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

#1600602
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124328) - you deserved it (6692)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML

#1525413
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72813) - you deserved it (24845)

On 05/01/2009 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by erectioninfection (man) - United States

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

#1524498
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89659) - you deserved it (14025)

On 05/01/2009 at 1:40pm - intimacy - by chelle (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me. When confronted she told me, "I didn't get wet so it wasn't cheating." FML

#1518333
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82222) - you deserved it (4846)

On 05/01/2009 at 5:50am - intimacy - by amiadori (woman) - United States (Texas)



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