About XxDancerGirlxX : I was born in a broken down camper on one cold, winter day in Ohio. Fortunately, I was adopted by a lesbian couple who own an onion farm in Kansas. My parents traded me for 3 chickens, a pack of Marlboro Lights and a donkey. They went on their merry way to join the circus, and I moved to Kansas with my moms.
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55656) - you deserved it (11978)
On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (37874) - you deserved it (9470)
On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44473) - you deserved it (11189)
On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States
Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26427) - you deserved it (2801)
On 03/02/2013 at 11:18pm - misc - by jkbeynon - United States (California)
Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27462) - you deserved it (5903)
On 03/01/2013 at 9:35pm - misc - by tax-man - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30509) - you deserved it (2134)
On 02/18/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9535) - you deserved it (37885)
On 02/14/2013 at 2:39am - misc - by assoutofuandme (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30132) - you deserved it (2194)
On 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm - misc - by Experience (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22329) - you deserved it (2191)
On 02/04/2013 at 4:15am - misc - by Stunned (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)
Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29602) - you deserved it (2051)
On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (41704) - you deserved it (3151) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by dr mamour - Sent from mobile version
Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18418) - you deserved it (24842)
On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States
Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29708) - you deserved it (4996)
On 01/27/2013 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I came home to find two letters from a publishing house that I'd submitted my manuscript to. The first was congratulatory, stating that my book had been accepted for publishing. The second was apologetic, stating that the first letter had been intended for someone else. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26636) - you deserved it (1241)
On 01/26/2013 at 1:14am - work - by strugglingartist (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27169) - you deserved it (2607)
On 01/25/2013 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Monday 17 June 2013
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