This member hasn't filled in the description.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Profile completed
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22193) - you deserved it (4365)
On 01/12/2010 at 9:57pm - misc - by pass_the_tp (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15085) - you deserved it (8636)
On 11/26/2009 at 12:31am - intimacy - by ehwat (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26437) - you deserved it (1684)
On 11/18/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Bribri (man) - United States (California)
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6419) - you deserved it (36588)
On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8929) - you deserved it (32887)
On 10/09/2009 at 11:05am - love - by TasedAndDazed (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my english teacher asked me why I didn't have my project completed. Thinking quick on my feet I told her it was because my grandmother had just passed away. Apparently they go to the same country club and have known each other for years. My teacher started crying and ran out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5936) - you deserved it (50517)
On 10/02/2009 at 5:07pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6708) - you deserved it (34028)
On 09/27/2009 at 11:59am - misc - by absentmindedmoron (man) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10133) - you deserved it (260289)
On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52207) - you deserved it (5023)
On 08/25/2009 at 1:09pm - love - by Jeff (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I took a test as part of a job requirement. I took a sip from a bottle of juice, and the lady leading the test gave me a warning. I tried to explain that if I didn't, I would faint. She took the bottle and hid it. 15 minutes later I collapsed. She thought I was faking. I'm hypoglycemic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69220) - you deserved it (2545)
On 06/11/2009 at 8:59am - health - by Casey - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8717) - you deserved it (47600)
On 05/30/2009 at 9:13pm - misc - by jazzyfizzle (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18024) - you deserved it (73416)
On 04/22/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by Screwed (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9141) - you deserved it (52648)
On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was on my way home from work and decided to stop at the grocery store. I purchased $200 in groceries and went to put them in my car. I then realized I drove my motorcycle today. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13197) - you deserved it (66246)
On 04/11/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was getting restless in my psychology class. I stretched out both of my arms and hands into the aisles on either side of me, only to find myself with my teacher's package in my palm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42282) - you deserved it (9304)
On 03/05/2009 at 9:29pm - misc - by dizzlewizzle - United States (New York)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
