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XohXmyXjonas

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XohXmyXjonas
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  • Number of visits : 979
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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XohXmyXjonas's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom and my step dad decided they're getting a divorce. They've been married for 2 weeks and I paid for a quarter of the wedding. FML

#2122739
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62232) - you deserved it (5543)

On 05/20/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by disaster... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after a long night of cramming for an extensive Anatomy final (detailed diagrams included), I check the senior final schedule to find that Anatomy is not till tomorrow, but I take Calculus in 10 minutes. This is followed by an e-mail from my teacher saying I can exempt Anatomy. FML

#2108783
100 comments

Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML

#2080741
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18684) - you deserved it (38277)

On 05/19/2009 at 2:49pm - misc - by laptopsRus (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

#2078869
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14406) - you deserved it (52346)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML

#2076709
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13914) - you deserved it (82233)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was drying off with a towel after coming in from outside. I noticed that the bathroom smelled like cat pee, so I sniffed all around to find out where my cat peed. Turns out, he peed on the towel that I was drying myself off with. FML

#2071400
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42585) - you deserved it (6888)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:19am - animals - by Tcake (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then ran into a curb, spilled my frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML

#2065016
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11341) - you deserved it (35341)

On 05/18/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by lulabell (woman) - United States

Today, on the way to work, I pulled over at a postbox to post a letter. I walked up to the box with the letter in one hand, car key in the other. Guess which one I posted. FML

#2050004
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35399) - you deserved it (23230)

On 05/18/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by Posty (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I went onto my band's MySpace just to check if we had any new comments or anything like that and I noticed that I was listed as a past member. Nobody ever told me I was replaced. FML

#2048727
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50338) - you deserved it (3138)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:05pm - misc - by BassGuy (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

#2018927
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12658) - you deserved it (93577)

On 05/17/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27212) - you deserved it (82789)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

#2004555
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58307) - you deserved it (5336)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while biking I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

#1982205
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9142) - you deserved it (39741)

On 05/16/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Pokerking98 - United States (Texas)

Today, my father sent me a letter in the mail. He spelled my first name wrong on the front of the envelope. I'm turning 28 years old and my own father doesn't know that my name has two "t"s in it. FML

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

#1952694
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7801) - you deserved it (62942)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by OuttaNowhere81 (man) - United States (California)



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