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XohXmyXjonas

Offline (the 08/18/2014 at 5:17am) | Search for a member

XohXmyXjonas

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  • Number of visits : 1485
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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XohXmyXjonas's page activity

Visits<b>nunchux88</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 5:56pm<b>Jamesps</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 8:07pm<b>DestinysChampion</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 8:29pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 09/12/2009 at 12:59pm

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XohXmyXjonas's favorite FMLs

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

#3089215
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18617) - you deserved it (30844)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:20pm - misc - by carpetoops (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, as I was texting a friend, I was going to warm up some cold pizza. As I got finished with a text I put the pizza in the microwave and set the timer. After the timer ran out, I opened the door and smelled burnt plastic. Turns out phones aren't meant to be in the microwave. FML

#3083696
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11720) - you deserved it (55655)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:34am - misc - by TBaggins00 (man) - United States (Illilois)

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

#3078421
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59306) - you deserved it (25638)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a big craving for a popsicle so I went to a convenience store and bought one. On my first bite, my upper lip got stuck to it. I ripped it off and spent the next 10 minutes trying to stop the bleeding from the giant cut I'd put in my lip. It hurt too much to finish the popsicle. FML

#3051182
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38045) - you deserved it (11872)

On 06/20/2009 at 1:47am - misc - by mk (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

#3017474
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41231) - you deserved it (6148)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:32am - health - by Stung (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

#3016666
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14825) - you deserved it (99810)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

#2987164
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24242) - you deserved it (109171)

On 06/18/2009 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was being pulled into a pool by my girlfriend. To avoid ruining my phone, I tossed it into one of the chairs behind me. I missed and it landed into the hot tub behind it. FML

#2912721
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43426) - you deserved it (9659)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by WetPhone (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got an electric shaver hoping that it would reduce the risk of cutting myself than shaving with a manual one. However, I cut myself opening the plastic package with the shaver inside. FML

#2906195
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34606) - you deserved it (12335)

On 06/15/2009 at 4:51am - misc - by shaverguy (man) - United States (California)

Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML

#2871893
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44301) - you deserved it (6304)

On 06/13/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by failatboys (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

#2791177
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9754) - you deserved it (78793)

On 06/11/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by feeldumb - United States (New York)

Today, I had to play the role of superman in a production on stage. They had to stuff my underwear because my 'thing' wasn't big enough. FML

#2769644
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72577) - you deserved it (6576)

On 06/10/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by superman_not (man) - United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross)

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

#2766675
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44113) - you deserved it (29231)

On 06/10/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by DamnDominoes (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML

#2765186
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33142) - you deserved it (12522)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:13am - animals - by Trapped (woman) - Australia

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

#2763272
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11186) - you deserved it (55532)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:36am - animals - by FMLTIMESTWO (woman) - United States (New York)



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