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XohXmyXjonas

Offline (the 02/08/2016 at 1:10am) | Search for a member

XohXmyXjonas

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Phoenix, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 20 May 1992 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3685
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Visits<b>kcpestwick</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 9:52am<b>sebassm</b> - the 12/12/2014 at 4:08pm<b>Jamesps</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 8:07pm<b>DestinysChampion</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 8:29pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 09/12/2009 at 12:59pm

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XohXmyXjonas's favorite FMLs

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

#20079475
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65056) - you deserved it (3514)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

#19750023
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34463) - you deserved it (5017)

On 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm - health - by LaurenB (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

#19750023
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34463) - you deserved it (5017)

On 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm - health - by LaurenB (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I got a bikini wax. They said it wouldn't hurt too badly, and that it would just sting. My friend heard me screaming from all the way down the hall in the waiting room. FML

#19739055
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13130) - you deserved it (19023)

On 06/05/2012 at 3:42pm - misc - by higgles15 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was trying to take my shirt off. It was an awkward fit, so I had to basically wrestle it for five minutes. The kicker was that I was giving my boyfriend a striptease. He laughed so hard and for so long that we never had sex. FML

#19739017
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26829) - you deserved it (7622)

On 06/05/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Damn (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

#19222956
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28950) - you deserved it (8254)

On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

#18312960
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38622) - you deserved it (6556)

On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
379 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57623) - you deserved it (3566)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

#17170835
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39608) - you deserved it (4298)

On 07/19/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by tLee - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at the DMV, I was told to push my forehead against a vision testing device on the counter to activate a blinking light. When nothing happened, the employee started yelling for me to push harder. I tried again, only to knock the whole thing into her. FML

#16745803
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30068) - you deserved it (3165)

On 06/19/2011 at 1:51pm - misc - by sabadaba - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50596) - you deserved it (16408)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
417 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53433) - you deserved it (8502)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took a picture of myself and put it on Facebook. After I did so, I realized that in the background, you can see my crush's Facebook page up on my laptop. He tagged himself. FML

#15105515
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17839) - you deserved it (49535)

On 02/24/2011 at 7:37pm - misc - by verasam01 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML

#15042917
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53341) - you deserved it (43527)

On 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

#13337964
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41794) - you deserved it (3836)

On 10/06/2010 at 12:32am - misc - by cantstoplaughing (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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