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About XmyviolentheartX : Hi.
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XmyviolentheartX's favorite FMLs
Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML
by Virginiedetibo / 10/21/2011 at 10:09pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML
by tommyboy783 / 10/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Kate / 10/16/2011 at 10:50pm / United States / Work
Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML
by bdjsbskl / 10/07/2011 at 1:55am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
by Beeisc00l / 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm / Reserved / Animals
by xxxkkxxx / 07/29/2011 at 11:37am / Hong Kong / Holidays
Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML
Today, I went into hospital for knee surgery. When I awoke, I was surprised to find a bandage wrapped around my throbbing head. The nurse explained that a student observer had fainted in the operating room and his head had smashed against mine on the way down. FML
by Anonymous / 07/08/2011 at 11:46am / Belgium (Liege) / Health
Today, I realized I have no life after I created a fake Facebook account, posted an insulting message on my wall, and then engaged in a vicious argument with it, just so I could impress my friends. FML
by jen / 07/08/2011 at 10:57am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/30/2011 at 1:44pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
by minnEmouse / 06/20/2011 at 10:40pm / United States / Love
Today, at the DMV, I was told to push my forehead against a vision testing device on the counter to activate a blinking light. When nothing happened, the employee started yelling for me to push harder. I tried again, only to knock the whole thing into her. FML
by sabadaba / 06/19/2011 at 1:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML
by callie / 06/18/2011 at 2:08am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
by jaybob18 / 06/17/2011 at 2:07am / United States (New York) / Animals
by Scholar / 06/16/2011 at 12:03pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally… Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now… Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce…
- Today, I’m an au pair. The little boy that I take care of announced during a family dinner that I… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual…