About Xanster82 : Fatty.
Xanster82's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Xanster82's favorite FMLs
by WalkTheOtherWay / 01/31/2015 at 9:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was excited that my sister called me for the first time in months. She asked me to stop watching "Friends" so she could use the Netflix account. Now, I still have an absentee sister and no Friends. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 3:57am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML
by wounded pride, intact cock / 01/17/2015 at 1:49pm / United States / Love
by briiiiiiii123 / 01/12/2015 at 2:56am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/20/2014 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids
Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML
by Heyjai / 12/16/2014 at 9:31am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML
by konacoffee17 / 12/14/2014 at 12:15am / United States (Oregon) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/09/2014 at 1:29pm / Work
by Anonymous / 11/19/2014 at 12:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I spent all day making preparations and buying food for my upcoming birthday. It's not for a party, though - none of my friends wanted to come. I'm preparing for the launch of the new World of Warcraft expansion. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2014 at 2:51am / Geek
Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
by jennabee97 / 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with my husband, so I set up some Halloween torches to create a wild ambiance. Unfortunately our dickhead neighbours saw the glow, didn't remember that fire tends to give off smoke, and called the fire department on us. FML
by BurnedDown / 10/28/2014 at 4:45pm / United Kingdom (East Riding of Yorkshire) / Intimacy
by gettinghotinhere / 10/17/2014 at 2:29pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by karmaaa / 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm / United States (Iowa) / Transportation