Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Xanster82

Offline (6 hours ago) | Search for a member

Xanster82

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 March 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 21348
  • Number of comments : 210
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 20 posted

About Xanster82 : Fatty.

Xanster82's page activity

Visits<b>asims1140</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 12:53am<b>SiRiSpartan</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 3:48pm<b>td8263</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 3:16pm<b>EchoSerenity</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 6:40pm<b>nathan16194</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 1:23pm<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 2:59pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 7:02am<b>mazdatuner09</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 12:52am<b>HoranHugs</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 4:08pm<b>Starcatch77</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 1:00pm<b>ddeveshh</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:40am<b>ilikeirony</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:16am<b>buckydargon</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 12:37am<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 3:30am<b>SteakfryOne</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 9:08pm<b>LONERANGER44</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 4:26am<b>okcnation</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 8:22pm<b>SammyS2012</b> - the 05/16/2014 at 9:06am

Xanster82's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Xanster82's badges

Xanster82's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

#20408274
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37841) - you deserved it (13816)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

#20199452
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22336) - you deserved it (2308)

On 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm - animals - by MoreActionThanMe - United States

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27772) - you deserved it (5311)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

#20188746
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22372) - you deserved it (2279)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

#20188363
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24384) - you deserved it (3918)

On 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by fineididntwantkidsanyway (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

#20186785
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7861) - you deserved it (23729)

On 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm - health - by fieldmarshalclitter (man) - United States

Today, I followed my neighbor's advice and sprayed Sprite on my Christmas tree because it will "make it live longer." I just came downstairs to find my Christmas tree covered in ants. FML

#20186141
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6295) - you deserved it (36607)

On 12/01/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Chuffy - United States (Colorado)

Today, my husband quit his job as a university professor and picked up the graveyard shift at a rat farm so he could have more time during the day to play World of Warcraft. FML

#20182185
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30647) - you deserved it (2841)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

#20178424
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33411) - you deserved it (4050)

On 11/25/2012 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

#20167793
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30542) - you deserved it (3141)

On 11/18/2012 at 7:13am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

#20160393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25141) - you deserved it (7530)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by mm (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, I was visiting family in Oregon. I did not know it was illegal to pump your own gas; the cops were involved. FML

#20159952
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25385) - you deserved it (2042)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

#20157750
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24655) - you deserved it (1774)

On 11/10/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by anon - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a furniture store. We split up for a bit, and after a while I went to find him. A salesman noticed I seemed to be looking around for him and said, "Oh, your son is upstairs." We're the same age. FML

#20155909
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22129) - you deserved it (1901)

On 11/09/2012 at 2:26am - misc - by slypher25aussie (man) - United States (California)

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26066) - you deserved it (2136)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • Freaks's Illustrated FML
  • What's going on? Something weird is going on. I can feel it in my bones. Can't you? People are acting weird, as if they're short-fused all of a sudden. There's definitely…

Friday 1 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: