About Xanster82 : Fatty.
Xanster82's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Xanster82's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/11/2015 at 9:38pm / Intimacy
by strictly cum prancing / 12/11/2015 at 2:48pm / United States / Love
Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2015 at 1:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I grazed my hand over the bottom of my desk's keyboard tray, and found something sticky. I gagged when I realized it was jizz, and I immediately washed my hands and wiped everything. I then checked my browser history, which was full of porn. Thanks, roomie. FML
by katluvnc / 12/03/2015 at 9:02am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I accidentally walked in on my dad as he was getting changed. Now I know genetics can be a real bitch. With such a massive difference in size, I have to question whether I'm even biologically related to this old three-legged git. FML
by Anonymous / 12/03/2015 at 9:02am / Intimacy
Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML
by ohgodwhyfml / 11/28/2015 at 9:32am / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 11/25/2015 at 12:30pm / Switzerland (Fribourg) / Kids
Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML
by anonymous / 11/24/2015 at 2:38pm / Switzerland (Zug) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/23/2015 at 9:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 9:43am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, while bench pressing at the gym, I noticed my spotter had spit hanging from his mouth right above me. When I tried to warn him about it, he ignored me and told me to finish the set. When the drool fell in my mouth, I was startled and dropped the 175 weights and bar on my chest. FML
by Me / 11/19/2015 at 5:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at school, I was asked to play a complex piano piece in front of my class, teachers and guests. I nailed it, but what stood out most for everyone was how I apparently looked like I was being possessed while performing. FML
by auto boogie man / 11/19/2015 at 11:44am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend cornered me and asked if I'm gay. I said no and asked why she even had any doubts. Apparently me being depressed and crying over my grandmother's death is "faggish" and means I want to have sex with men. Who knew? FML
by Anonymous / 11/18/2015 at 8:47am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2015 at 6:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous