About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, I opened my email expecting to see messages from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, but there were none. There were Happy Birthday messages from Pizza Hut and Victoria's Secret, however. FML
by Anonymous / 05/01/2009 at 2:36pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML
by chelle / 05/01/2009 at 1:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by DudeManBro69 / 05/01/2009 at 9:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML
by GirlinGreen / 04/29/2009 at 9:34pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, trying to make my 6 year old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say "daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2009 at 6:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by Mars / 04/29/2009 at 5:40am / United States (California) / Health
by fat_thighs / 04/29/2009 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML
by Anonymous / 04/28/2009 at 8:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML
by Sad / 04/28/2009 at 6:13pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Money
Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML
by apparentlyugly / 04/26/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Geek
Today, my friends and I spent hours on the Disney website playing in Pixie Hollow. We made our own fairies and flew around completing tasks for TinkerBell and her fairy friends. We're in college, and this is how we spent our Saturday night. FML
by panicromanceX3 / 04/26/2009 at 4:44am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
by Nicked / 04/25/2009 at 7:50am / Israel / Money
by CollegeGrad / 04/25/2009 at 2:39am / United States (Utah) / Work
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2009 at 12:13am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, at my grandmothers funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML
by baddream / 04/24/2009 at 9:44pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous