About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for mother's day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML
by Anon / 05/10/2009 at 8:36am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love
by LadyLuck / 05/10/2009 at 1:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML
by busybee / 05/09/2009 at 11:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
by Jeremy / 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML
by rawkdinosawr / 05/09/2009 at 11:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Love
Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML
by Anonymous / 05/09/2009 at 10:48am / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I almost drowned in the ocean after being sucked into a rip current. When I finally managed to make it back to shore breathless from all the energy it took to get back, I looked down and my swimming trunks were gone. I was crawling on the ground naked in front of a hundred people. FML
by matt5th35hit / 05/09/2009 at 4:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML
by gimp. / 05/08/2009 at 4:28am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was at a family get together with distant relatives. My grandma made a point to say how all of the grandkids brought their boyfriends or girlfriends. She looks at me, then turns to everyone and says "But not our Becky! She is more interested in her cats right now than finding a man." FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2009 at 11:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML
by Bucks9 / 05/07/2009 at 7:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by TrulyYours / 05/07/2009 at 8:39am / United States (Maine) / Love
Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML
by JoeyDizz / 05/05/2009 at 11:41pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML
by qwerty / 05/05/2009 at 4:39pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 05/05/2009 at 10:17am / United States (New York) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…