About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, I was standing on the packed bus home when I had a speck of dust in my lenses. As I couldn't rub it out, I tried blinking it out for the next five minutes. Then the hot girl opposite me screams "Stop winking at me, you bastard! Don't even think about it, you ugly fuck!" FML
by ballerphilip23 / 05/15/2009 at 1:11pm / Austria (Wien) / Transportation
Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML
by badboyfriends / 05/15/2009 at 1:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Loser / 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I bit into a Reese's Cup that had been sitting on my desk for a while. As I did, half of a yellow meal worm fell out and landed in front of me, the other half was in my mouth. It was wiggling. FML
by Wormy / 05/11/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for mother's day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML
by Anon / 05/10/2009 at 8:36am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love
by LadyLuck / 05/10/2009 at 1:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML
by busybee / 05/09/2009 at 11:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
by Jeremy / 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML
by rawkdinosawr / 05/09/2009 at 11:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Love
Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML
by Anonymous / 05/09/2009 at 10:48am / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I almost drowned in the ocean after being sucked into a rip current. When I finally managed to make it back to shore breathless from all the energy it took to get back, I looked down and my swimming trunks were gone. I was crawling on the ground naked in front of a hundred people. FML
by matt5th35hit / 05/09/2009 at 4:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML
by gimp. / 05/08/2009 at 4:28am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was at a family get together with distant relatives. My grandma made a point to say how all of the grandkids brought their boyfriends or girlfriends. She looks at me, then turns to everyone and says "But not our Becky! She is more interested in her cats right now than finding a man." FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2009 at 11:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML
by Bucks9 / 05/07/2009 at 7:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by TrulyYours / 05/07/2009 at 8:39am / United States (Maine) / Love
- Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one…