About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early Birthday present. With straight faces, they look at me and say: "we signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it take a year. FML
by imnotTHATlonely / 05/18/2009 at 4:43pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love
by esk / 05/18/2009 at 4:48am / China (Shanghai) / Health
by oops / 05/18/2009 at 12:17am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying "I'm good" or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML
by UncleRory / 05/16/2009 at 5:13am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/15/2009 at 6:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by not4geeks / 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (New York) / Geek
Today, I was standing on the packed bus home when I had a speck of dust in my lenses. As I couldn't rub it out, I tried blinking it out for the next five minutes. Then the hot girl opposite me screams "Stop winking at me, you bastard! Don't even think about it, you ugly fuck!" FML
by ballerphilip23 / 05/15/2009 at 1:11pm / Austria (Wien) / Transportation
Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML
by badboyfriends / 05/15/2009 at 1:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Loser / 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I bit into a Reese's Cup that had been sitting on my desk for a while. As I did, half of a yellow meal worm fell out and landed in front of me, the other half was in my mouth. It was wiggling. FML
by Wormy / 05/11/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for mother's day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML
by Anon / 05/10/2009 at 8:36am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love
by LadyLuck / 05/10/2009 at 1:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML
by busybee / 05/09/2009 at 11:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
by Jeremy / 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy