About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
by Clueless / 05/24/2009 at 1:01am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
by jimbop / 05/23/2009 at 1:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was leaving work when some creeper start following me. When he asked me for my name, I immediately gave him a fake one. He just laughed and said “I hope to see you soon.” He used my real name. First AND last. I was still wearing my name tag. FML
by kandykrazed17 / 05/23/2009 at 8:14am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, while installing a deadbolt on my closet, I did it wrong. It closed but wouldn't lock so I had to re-install it. Sitting on the floor of my closet, I shut it to make sure it was installed correctly. I locked myself in for twenty minutes, home alone, before kicking the door down. FML
by erin3809483 / 05/22/2009 at 8:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2009 at 10:08am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML
by Anonymous / 05/21/2009 at 10:45pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at work at an office store. I was instructed to put together several tape-free cardboard boxes. I then realized that I can disassemble and reassemble a computer with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back, but I was outsmarted by a cardboard box. FML
by StellarSapience / 05/21/2009 at 9:18pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML
Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML
by unemployed / 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by ECullen / 05/21/2009 at 3:13pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by astraboy / 05/21/2009 at 5:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by notnerb / 05/19/2009 at 6:13am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
by emoney / 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early Birthday present. With straight faces, they look at me and say: "we signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it take a year. FML
by imnotTHATlonely / 05/18/2009 at 4:43pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love
by esk / 05/18/2009 at 4:48am / China (Shanghai) / Health