About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML
Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML
by unemployed / 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by ECullen / 05/21/2009 at 3:13pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by astraboy / 05/21/2009 at 5:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by notnerb / 05/19/2009 at 6:13am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
by emoney / 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early Birthday present. With straight faces, they look at me and say: "we signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it take a year. FML
by imnotTHATlonely / 05/18/2009 at 4:43pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love
by esk / 05/18/2009 at 4:48am / China (Shanghai) / Health
by oops / 05/18/2009 at 12:17am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying "I'm good" or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML
by UncleRory / 05/16/2009 at 5:13am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/15/2009 at 6:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by not4geeks / 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (New York) / Geek
Today, I was standing on the packed bus home when I had a speck of dust in my lenses. As I couldn't rub it out, I tried blinking it out for the next five minutes. Then the hot girl opposite me screams "Stop winking at me, you bastard! Don't even think about it, you ugly fuck!" FML
by ballerphilip23 / 05/15/2009 at 1:11pm / Austria (Wien) / Transportation
Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML
by badboyfriends / 05/15/2009 at 1:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…