Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Xanster82

Online | Search for a member

Xanster82

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 March 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 23494
  • Number of comments : 212
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 20 posted

About Xanster82 : Fatty.

Xanster82's page activity

Visits<b>freakyfriday101</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 11:41am<b>defuck</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 11:23pm<b>midnight_tiger</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 7:01pm<b>Plastinate</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 10:51am<b>diving</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 1:41am<b>inode</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 12:11am<b>lashitskee_71</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 5:45pm<b>boeglie</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 3:46pm<b>Iceman1130</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 1:47pm<b>Grandmastasexy</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 1:23pm<b>whitty06</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 7:33am<b>Ryuuj1</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 7:20am<b>MrE187</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 5:37am<b>hannahsophia</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 10:32pm<b>nawlilman</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 6:01pm<b>LSPadvtime</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 5:00pm<b>aimeroni</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 4:11pm<b>violetsweety</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 3:43pm

Xanster82's FML badges

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Xanster82's badges

Xanster82's favorite FMLs

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, whom I was madly in love with, by having a plane fly over her house spelling "Marry me Abby?". After seeing this, she locked herself in her room and cried for 4 hours exclaiming that this wasn't how she wanted to be proposed to. I had invited my entire family. FML

#175270
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94994) - you deserved it (10283)

On 03/01/2009 at 8:41pm - love - by groomfail (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML

#171623
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50099) - you deserved it (8283)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:36pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

#168503
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81706) - you deserved it (14023)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:45am - health - by Monty (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1155983) - you deserved it (115844)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML

#154846
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17319) - you deserved it (46457)

On 02/27/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by paige (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

#150971
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12253) - you deserved it (68652)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by Fenny (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML

#150078
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17411) - you deserved it (48067)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by beachbum (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17779) - you deserved it (50058)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on the best date I've been on in years. Later on, over drinks we get talking and I explain how I came out to my friends and family. When I ask him how he came out, he replies that he isn't gay, and oh, did I think this was a date? FML

#141984
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55811) - you deserved it (11335)

On 02/26/2009 at 9:56am - love - by thetheatreguy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

#125156
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56769) - you deserved it (6787)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by iliketurtles (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

#107795
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25904) - you deserved it (66888)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by madfather (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML

#104112
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35690) - you deserved it (11068)

On 02/22/2009 at 2:02pm - health - by amandapurple (woman) - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

#99356
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28249) - you deserved it (78106)

On 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by svet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

#98933
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54162) - you deserved it (3777)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:15pm - health - by Vince (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

#91993
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16631) - you deserved it (23703)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:37pm - misc - by Jim Smith (man) - United States (California)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: