About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, my dad asked me to move a potted plant from one side of the yard to the other. It looked like a very heavy pot, so I heaved it up with all my might. Turns out it was one of those heavy-looking ones that are actually light plastic. I fell over backwards and dumped dirt into my mouth. FML
by ether10 / 06/04/2009 at 2:27am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a roller coaster and this 13 year old sitting next to me was completely terrified. To cheer him up, I threw my hands in the air. While my hands were up, we hit a curve and I elbowed him in the face, making him cry. FML
by rollerSWEETness / 06/03/2009 at 11:16am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML
by fallsdownplenty45 / 06/02/2009 at 7:08am / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Kids
Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML
by sierraisfucked / 06/02/2009 at 3:55am / United States / Miscellaneous
by TeeJay / 06/01/2009 at 10:06am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I went to put my laptop on a desk when I got a text message. I was startled by my ringtone and dropped my laptop on the ground. It now has dent marks on the bottom. The text message was from an annoying friend simply saying "I'm eating a hot dog." FML
by Anonymous / 05/31/2009 at 6:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML
by Anonymous / 05/31/2009 at 1:34pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by T-Shain / 05/31/2009 at 1:45am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by whoahshloann / 05/30/2009 at 7:48pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my grandparents were staying over my house for a couple of nights. As I was walking to my bathroom in the middle of the night, I noticed their door was open, and my grandfather was awake. I tried to say 'Hi' to him, but he didn't hear me. I then noticed that he was masturbating. FML
by ima_krackerr / 05/30/2009 at 12:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML
by theskippster / 05/29/2009 at 9:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML
by dumbo / 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
by FMLFMLFMLFML / 05/29/2009 at 1:52pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2009 at 4:15pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML
by ITguy1982 / 05/28/2009 at 1:15pm / United States (New York) / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…