Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Xanster82

Online | Search for a member

Xanster82

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 March 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 37218
  • Number of comments : 226
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 20 posted

About Xanster82 : Fatty.

Xanster82's page activity

Visits<b>Sayeret_Matkal</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 12:26pm<b>themartonfi</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 12:03am<b>hussamhasi</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 9:23pm<b>s1s1</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 2:23pm<b>Trollx</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 12:13pm<b>antonio_bob</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 11:33am<b>LPac5295</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 8:19am<b>RubenB</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 5:09am<b>Bailes1992</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 2:56am<b>edmunson</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 2:05am<b>Unused_Account13</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 12:02am<b>rkphillips72</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 11:28pm<b>kemblea</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 10:28pm<b>Loving_Life98McK</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 10:02pm<b>acevango</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 9:36pm<b>AnOriginalName</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 8:41pm<b>isuckwithnames</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 8:18pm<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 7:51pm

Fucked!<b>Sayeret_Matkal</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 6:27pm<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:39am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 11:08pm<b>c_wyld</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 6:36pm<b>casey_ct</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 7:03am

Xanster82's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of Xanster82's badges

Xanster82's favorite FMLs

Today, I almost drowned in the ocean after being sucked into a rip current. When I finally managed to make it back to shore breathless from all the energy it took to get back, I looked down and my swimming trunks were gone. I was crawling on the ground naked in front of a hundred people. FML

Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML

#1743823
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65144) - you deserved it (5096)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:28am - health - by gimp. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a family get together with distant relatives. My grandma made a point to say how all of the grandkids brought their boyfriends or girlfriends. She looks at me, then turns to everyone and says "But not our Becky! She is more interested in her cats right now than finding a man." FML

#1738552
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52113) - you deserved it (6585)

On 05/07/2009 at 11:38pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

#1729820
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46315) - you deserved it (6868)

On 05/07/2009 at 7:43pm - misc - by Bucks9 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

#1713391
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58754) - you deserved it (5742)

On 05/07/2009 at 8:39am - love - by TrulyYours (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML

#1680929
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17314) - you deserved it (64871)

On 05/05/2009 at 11:41pm - intimacy - by JoeyDizz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

#1667670
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47038) - you deserved it (32180)

On 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML

#1665462
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50155) - you deserved it (8790)

On 05/05/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by qwerty (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

#1658004
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28334) - you deserved it (58113)

On 05/05/2009 at 10:17am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

#1635013
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9101) - you deserved it (101179)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

#1631197
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28664) - you deserved it (74110)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I was straight. She looked at me and said "Well, that's really up to you honey. But your father and I would still love you." I was asking if she thought I had parked straight. FML

#1625172
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52368) - you deserved it (12294)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend, who was in his friend's wedding this past weekend. He said that none of the girlfriends could come because it would cost too much for the couple. I spent the weekend alone, and all his friend's girlfriends are in the pictures. FML

#1614370
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61186) - you deserved it (4774)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:25am - love - by pissed (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

#1600602
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (133844) - you deserved it (7402)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25871) - you deserved it (87166)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: