About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm / United Kingdom / Animals
by WetPhone / 06/15/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my parents for the first time in 11 weeks. They commented on how much weight I lost. I told how due to stress, I hadn't been able to eat anything for the past two weeks and I was basically unintentionally starving myself. They told me to keep it up. FML
by need2eat / 06/15/2009 at 11:48am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 7:23am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 12:48am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by thelarkscaw / 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2009 at 9:23pm / Japan (Okinawa) / Miscellaneous
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
by BarbieKen / 06/14/2009 at 12:14am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML
by vickyxanne / 06/12/2009 at 8:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML
by parkinglotslayer / 06/10/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML
by dm206 / 06/10/2009 at 1:47pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation
Today, I checked facebook, only to find out that my close cousin is now married. When I looked at the pictures, I saw that my whole family was there - including my sister, mother and father. I was the only one who wasn't invited. FML
by Oh_baby / 06/10/2009 at 1:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML
by Anonymous / 06/09/2009 at 4:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML
by lagirl / 06/09/2009 at 1:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, my best friend of 12 years told me she couldn't attend my wedding. What was so important to… Today, I visited a new tattoo parlor, as my previous artist made me uncomfortable with his drunken,… Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided…