About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML
by parkinglotslayer / 06/10/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML
by dm206 / 06/10/2009 at 1:47pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation
Today, I checked facebook, only to find out that my close cousin is now married. When I looked at the pictures, I saw that my whole family was there - including my sister, mother and father. I was the only one who wasn't invited. FML
by Oh_baby / 06/10/2009 at 1:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML
by Anonymous / 06/09/2009 at 4:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML
by lagirl / 06/09/2009 at 1:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2009 at 5:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend of 10 months moved to Europe and we may never see each other again, so I gave her a $200 sterling silver heart necklace as a goodbye present. She gave me a pack of gum. Cinnamon, which I'm allergic to. FML
by dogs_and_toucans / 06/08/2009 at 2:47pm / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2009 at 6:41am / Singapore / Love
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML
by szinna / 06/07/2009 at 3:14pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
by Person / 06/07/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by AllyCat / 06/07/2009 at 12:49am / United States (Virginia) / Money
by thedogkisser / 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/06/2009 at 12:01pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…