Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Xanster82

Online | Search for a member

Xanster82

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 March 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 37125
  • Number of comments : 226
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 20 posted

About Xanster82 : Fatty.

Xanster82's page activity

Visits<b>s1s1</b> - 2 hours ago<b>Trollx</b> - 4 hours ago<b>antonio_bob</b> - 5 hours ago<b>LPac5295</b> - 8 hours ago<b>lightning20</b> - 8 hours ago<b>RubenB</b> - 11 hours ago<b>Bailes1992</b> - 13 hours ago<b>edmunson</b> - 14 hours ago<b>Unused_Account13</b> - 16 hours ago<b>rkphillips72</b> - 17 hours ago<b>kemblea</b> - 18 hours ago<b>Loving_Life98McK</b> - 18 hours ago<b>acevango</b> - 19 hours ago<b>AnOriginalName</b> - 20 hours ago<b>isuckwithnames</b> - 20 hours ago<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - 20 hours ago<b>lkah</b> - yesterday at 7:56am<b>gunner88</b> - yesterday at 1:43am

Fucked!<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:39am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 11:08pm<b>c_wyld</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 6:36pm<b>casey_ct</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 7:03am

Xanster82's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of Xanster82's badges

Xanster82's favorite FMLs

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

#2210993
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51862) - you deserved it (9926)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:48pm - love - by jimbop (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was leaving work when some creeper start following me. When he asked me for my name, I immediately gave him a fake one. He just laughed and said “I hope to see you soon.” He used my real name. First AND last. I was still wearing my name tag. FML

Today, while installing a deadbolt on my closet, I did it wrong. It closed but wouldn't lock so I had to re-install it. Sitting on the floor of my closet, I shut it to make sure it was installed correctly. I locked myself in for twenty minutes, home alone, before kicking the door down. FML

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

#2176338
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35850) - you deserved it (13440)

On 05/22/2009 at 10:08am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

#2165517
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48310) - you deserved it (12425)

On 05/21/2009 at 10:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was at work at an office store. I was instructed to put together several tape-free cardboard boxes. I then realized that I can disassemble and reassemble a computer with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back, but I was outsmarted by a cardboard box. FML

#2161329
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34996) - you deserved it (8168)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:18pm - work - by StellarSapience (man) - United States (California)

Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML

#2150029
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74310) - you deserved it (6644)

On 05/21/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by theman (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML

#2147248
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21776) - you deserved it (75176)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML

#2147101
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54818) - you deserved it (24323)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:13pm - love - by ECullen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent 3 hours making a birthday card for my boyfriend, delicately cutting each letter out of printed coloured paper. He used it as a coffee coaster. FML

#2138443
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48323) - you deserved it (8265)

On 05/21/2009 at 5:11am - love - by astraboy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML

#2074546
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66875) - you deserved it (8412)

On 05/19/2009 at 6:13am - misc - by notnerb - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

#2059220
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75934) - you deserved it (3519)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by emoney (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early Birthday present. With straight faces, they look at me and say: "we signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it take a year. FML

#2051394
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51417) - you deserved it (5598)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:43pm - love - by imnotTHATlonely (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I got my medical checkup back. Apparently, I'm diagnosed with a liver condition generally found in alcoholics. I've never drank in my life. FML

#2043570
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61468) - you deserved it (3553)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:48am - health - by esk (man) - China (Shanghai)

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

#2037920
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51663) - you deserved it (10462)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Texas)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: