About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML
by Aerostar / 06/16/2009 at 12:35am / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML
by Shaun / 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML
by Hotdamnthisismyjam / 06/15/2009 at 8:32pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML
by skreweduP / 06/15/2009 at 7:57pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation
Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm / United Kingdom / Animals
by WetPhone / 06/15/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my parents for the first time in 11 weeks. They commented on how much weight I lost. I told how due to stress, I hadn't been able to eat anything for the past two weeks and I was basically unintentionally starving myself. They told me to keep it up. FML
by need2eat / 06/15/2009 at 11:48am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 7:23am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 12:48am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by thelarkscaw / 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2009 at 9:23pm / Japan (Okinawa) / Miscellaneous
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
by BarbieKen / 06/14/2009 at 12:14am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML
by vickyxanne / 06/12/2009 at 8:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML
by parkinglotslayer / 06/10/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I told my mom I was gay and guess what? She told me to get in the car because she is taking… Today, after struggling with Erectile dysfunction I finally got an erection while my wife was home,… Today, while I was getting a tattoo I noticed my artist kept nodding out alot. We decided to take a…