About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML
by Anonymous / 06/16/2009 at 7:10am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML
by Tim / 06/16/2009 at 2:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I rented some movies in attempts to cheer up my best friend. Her husband just died a few weeks ago in a helicopter accident. I was in a rush and didn't read the descriptions of the two films, one was about a plane crash where all the passengers died. She cried through the entire movie. FML
by idiotfriend / 06/16/2009 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML
by Aerostar / 06/16/2009 at 12:35am / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML
by Shaun / 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML
by Hotdamnthisismyjam / 06/15/2009 at 8:32pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML
by skreweduP / 06/15/2009 at 7:57pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation
Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm / United Kingdom / Animals
by WetPhone / 06/15/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my parents for the first time in 11 weeks. They commented on how much weight I lost. I told how due to stress, I hadn't been able to eat anything for the past two weeks and I was basically unintentionally starving myself. They told me to keep it up. FML
by need2eat / 06/15/2009 at 11:48am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 7:23am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 12:48am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by thelarkscaw / 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2009 at 9:23pm / Japan (Okinawa) / Miscellaneous
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I went to the Eiffel Tower with my boyfriend. We’d been talking about getting married for a… Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me…