About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML
by Anonymous / 06/20/2009 at 4:02am / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, I had a big craving for a popsicle so I went to a convenience store and bought one. On my first bite, my upper lip got stuck to it. I ripped it off and spent the next 10 minutes trying to stop the bleeding from the giant cut I'd put in my lip. It hurt too much to finish the popsicle. FML
by mk / 06/20/2009 at 1:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML
by pinkplasticjesus / 06/19/2009 at 11:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, I found a note on my door that said "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked". Later, I found another note that said "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 8:28pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by Kerry / 06/19/2009 at 7:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 1:52pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 1:26am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by Stung / 06/19/2009 at 12:32am / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML
by bear92 / 06/19/2009 at 12:25am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML
by AlexK / 06/18/2009 at 7:39pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Love
Today, I went to the bank to make a withdrawal in order to celebrate my last day here in Italy with my friends. Apparently I'm overdrawn by 187 dollars so I'm eating nothing but leftover stale crackers to survive until I get free plane food on my way back home. FML
by JP / 06/18/2009 at 12:11pm / Italy (Lombardia) / Money
Today, I went commando because its 98 degrees and sweaty boxers are a pain. While walking to class at UT I heard a girl laugh behind me, I turned and flashed a quick smile and kept walking. It turns out I had sweat through my khakis and she totally could see my crack. Texas weather sucks. FML
by Longhorn2011 / 06/17/2009 at 1:44pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend told me that he was having a scrabble tournament at his house with a bunch of our friends. I told my dad about the tournament and he gave me a special scrabble dictionary to bring. Hesitantly, I brought the dictionary and as I walked in everyone was playing beer pong. FML
by Anonymous / 06/17/2009 at 1:15pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML
by NotSoYoung / 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my job in a chemists, I had a customer ask me which acne cream I would recommend. I picked up the brand I use and told her that I've been using it for a year now. After pausing to stare at my face for a second, she thanked me and picked up the competing brand instead. FML
by Anonymous / 06/17/2009 at 12:32pm / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Work