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Xandrick's FML badges
50 quality responses
Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Xandrick's favorite FMLs
Today, my step mom sat me down and told me that she doesn't think that my dad is my biological father because she hasn't gotten pregnant from him. I don't think she quite understands the concept of being a step mom. FML
by anonymous / 12/12/2015 at 3:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, the girl I have been dating for the past couple months broke it off with me. She said she's tired of waiting around for me and being ignored in the mean time. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so greedy as to finish my 2 degrees and work 2 jobs to pay for my school. How selfish of me. FML
by Lonely / 03/18/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML
by disturbed / 03/16/2010 at 9:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML
by latenightbite / 03/16/2010 at 7:17pm / United States / Love
by liu_kang / 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm / United States / Health
by slickboy0023 / 03/16/2010 at 11:30am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I was walking with my girlfriend of a year and a half on the beach. Everything was fine until she saw a plane with a banner behind it saying "Cassie, will you marry me?" She said yes. I didn't order a plane. FML
by ManInTrouble / 03/16/2010 at 12:50am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML
by Satan / 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
by woopdeedo_1 / 03/07/2010 at 2:56pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/06/2010 at 7:32pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML
by ThoroughlyCreepedOut / 03/06/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend in her room. That means: Jonas Brothers posters on the wall, Jonas Brothers pillows, sheets, comforter and stuffed dog. After we did it, she apologized to her posters for having to see that, since they're pure. FML
by ICantBelieveThis / 03/06/2010 at 9:31am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML
by anonymous / 03/06/2010 at 1:10am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy